The surprising things I learned from taking 6000 steps a day.

Last month, I started tracking my steps using the S Health app on my Galaxy S7. I didn’t expect a whole lot when I started. It’s just walking for Pete’s sake. But honestly, it’s more than that.

Before I actively strove to walk 6000 steps a day, I averaged about 3000 steps. Reaching the remaining 3000 steps often led to me walking around in circles in my apartment – night after night.

Walking around in circles got me thinking that I wish I used those steps to reorganize my office, mopping the floor, or walking outside. I had to take those steps anyway; I may as well put them to good use.

So the days that followed, I made every excuse to walk around. I noticed that the cup on my desk should go in the sink and the food wrapper should go in the garbage. I’d take the extra steps and discovered how few steps it takes to clean up after myself.

–   Taking out the garbage, 100 steps.

–   Putting my clothes in the hamper, 5 steps.

–   Putting my clothes in the washing machine, 15 steps.

–   Putting trash in the garbage instead of on the table or counter, 8 steps.

Why had I believed taking something to the kitchen was such a hassle? Seeing my bad habits in steps, gave me a whole new outlook on laziness. I never felt tired after walking 6000 steps a day. What was my excuse not to put my clothes in the hamper?

I didn’t even know I was being lazy. My apartment stayed pretty clean before and my relationships were pretty good but taking more steps has taken many aspects of my life to another level. It even helped me to spend more time with friends and family. My husband would ask me to go to the grocery store with him so that he could get a pack of beer and I thought, yeah, that’s at least 1000 steps. The alternative was to sit around and watch TV. What was better?

Why had I seen so many little things as a hassle before? Well, the short answer is comfort seeking.

When you think of comfort seeking, your immediate thoughts may go toward those big, bad habits, like overeating, alcoholism, and drug addiction, but comfort seeking seeps into many small areas of your life that seem unimportant.

Continuously taking the option that you perceive as more comfortable becomes a habit and senseless things get neglected as a result. The comfort you traded for a few steps can lead to more discomfort and lethargy.

Doesn’t it feel better to come home to a clean house? A clean house is inspiring at times – the fresh smell and the clear surfaces. It makes me feel good about trying something new. A clean space also helps me to stay focused, as there are fewer things to distract me.

It’s as if seeking comfort makes you less comfortable. Seriously, taking a few extra steps ain’t gonna hurt ya. It will pay off in health, relationships, and cleanliness.

I also learned just how disengaged I was from the world around me. When you spend a lot of time sitting down, you spend less time exploring the world around you. I began to go out on my own, take my dogs out to play, and to walk around, thinking. It made all types of interactions seem less daunting.

If you think you don’t have time for this, I understand. I’m a self-proclaimed creative. I hate adding things to my plate that could take me away from my craft. The 6000 steps have never interfered. If I was low on steps at the end of the day, I usually walked in place as I watched TV or walked in those stupid circles. It’s not hard to do, I promise.

Like me, you can use this challenge as a way to keep things from piling up. If things never pile up, it’ll never become a stinking mess that will someday take you out of your craft. If you ignore a mess, one day, you’ll have to address it. Start taking care of things as they happen. It helps you get your steps and helps you to keep things organized.

You know it’s a good idea to take the stairs to the second floor, so ditch the elevator. The elevator can take more or just as much time as taking the stairs. Why not use that time to get more active.

You also don’t have to spend five minutes driving around the parking lot for a spot right at the front of the grocery store. Take the spot further from the store and take the extra 20 seconds to help you reach 6000 steps.

There are so many reasons to take 6000 steps per day.

–   It slows mental decline

–   Improves sleep

–   Helps with weight management

–   Strengthens your heart

When you start taking 6000 steps a day, the thing you won’t feel is tired. Walking is pretty low intensity and has no prerequisites. You do it every day. All you have to do is walk a little more. And if you’re daunted by the idea of carving out time to walk, just find more reasons to walk around in your everyday life.

To get started all you need is 

  •  A pedometer or app equivalent.
  • Legs and feet or equivalent.
  • Things to do. 


Taking more steps helped me to…

  • Be less lazy
  • Get out more
  • Become more engaged in my surroundings
  • Stop things from piling up
  • To stop seeking comfort

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How to Create Inspiration

Sometimes I sit down to write and feel like a tide of inspiration flows from my brain to my fingers without obstruction. I get work done and marvel at my stick-to-it-ness and may even lose empathy for those who can’t get there act together. Other times, it feels like I have a rubber wall up that bounces ideas away. The wall makes it impossible for me to have any creative output and makes me wonder why the flows of inspiration are so erratic and why it impacts my motivation to create.

A part of me wants to have inspiration rain down on me at all times. But, it’s not wise to rely on the rain as the only water source. It would be better to create a source or learn to tap into it so that you can access it whenever needed.

For the last few months, I’ve studied the role inspiration play in my creative output and I discovered a well of inspiration that was always there. But before I could gain access to it, I had to dig up some of my bad habits that kept it out of my reach.

Pre-requisites for Inspiration

Inspiration is delicate. It can only thrive under certain conditions. So, you may have a good idea, but once you bring it out in the open, it shrivels up and dies because you weren’t ready for it.

The first thing you need to do is take care of yourself. If you’re hungry, sleepy, and smelly, inspiration will give you a wide berth and curl up its nose every time you look at it. It’s linked to the way you feel and the way you feel about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you take care of yourself. When you take care of yourself, you feel good about yourself.

Another factor that turns inspiration away is past-due responsibilities. Inspiration is like a jealous lover. It wants to be the only thing on your mind. If you let your mind wander to the call you were supposed to make, you can kiss inspiration goodbye. The worse thing about the way past-due responsibilities stifle inspiration is that the time you use fretting over them would be all that it takes to get rid of them. As a rule you should build one brick at a time. Do one task at at time. Do the smart thing – take care of your business.

If you have anything else weighing on your mind, now would be a great time to release the pressure. If you have other nagging thoughts that hamper you from moving forward, deal with them. It’s tempting to believe that nagging thoughts will go away on their own but they’re demanding your attention for a reason. Address them, and they’ll be on their way, making room for inspiration.

The last thing inspiration needs to thrive is a clean space. Being a slob is a lot of work – believe me, I’ve been there. No one is asking you to label all or your drawers or schedule your day from the time you wake up, but you do need to get rid of that thing in the corner causing that awful smell. You should also stow away that thing teetering on the edge of your packed desk.

Now that you’ve exhumed the obstacles for inspiration, now you can see what’s in the well.

First up…

Brain garbage. We all have thoughts we’d rather not have. The first instinct may be to block those thoughts, but brain garbage is a great source of inspiration. Firstly, the garbage has been meandering in your head for a while, which means you know it well. You could probably describe it from corner to corner and would still be able to say more on it.

For instance, let’s say you had a terrible breakup. Instead of ignoring the ache the breakup caused, use it. What you’ll discover is putting your feelings into your creative work creates art that other people can relate to. You’re not the only person to date a loudmouth loser, believe me. Put your feelings into your work, and you’ll help someone. Ask Adele, she knows.

Things that inspire you. It’s likely that a writer inspired you to write, or an architect inspired you to design. Immersing yourself in the craft that you love will surely inspire you. It will also make you better at what you do. Imagine being the writer who sends in a manuscript about a young girl who finds herself in a strange land where rabbits wear waistcoats and cats levitate. We’ve already heard that story. We want something new. Something inspired you to create, go back to that place and drain it of all of its goodness.

Similar crafts. Try working in another field similar to your own. If you want to be a comedian, try taking acting classes. If you want to be a musician, try singing lessons. Though trying something in a different field may feel like a waste of time, it gives you an opportunity to see your passion from another perspective. The change in perspective may be all it takes to spark an idea. As a creator, it’s imperative to take in other mediums.

In the small details. Everything and everyone has a story to tell. Think about the cup you’re drinking out of. Are you the only person to ever sip from that cup? Does it have lipstick stains on the rim or crumbs at the bottom? Inspiration is at your constant disposal. Take a look at the small details that make you who you are and the small details that say the most about everyone else. It’ll not only give you inspiration but appreciation for the small things.

Uncomfortable/awkward situations. Awkward situations create a lot of feels, amirite? It’s like your internal organs are getting twisted and stretched. You start to sweat in places that don’t make sense. Someone please explain sweaty palms – I just don’t get it. Uncomfortable situations awaken questions about who we are as humans. What about you makes sitting next to a stranger an uncomfortable situation? Attempting to answer that question, sparks inspiration. There are so many reasons to try this out. The best reason is that you only live once. Feel what you can while you can.

Live a story-worthy life. The best way to have constant inspiration is to live an amazing life. Some of the best stories I’ve read are stranger than fiction. It feels like authors is the most amazing people in the world that they can bring so many different feelings to life. If you live an adventurous life, you’ll never lack for inspiration.

Creating inspiration has many benefits:

  • You’ll never lack for ideas
  • You can advance in your creative pursuits.

The best benefit is that it makes your life better. An inspired person has to be someone who is willing to challenge herself. With each challenge, she’ll grow as a creator and as a human.

Now get out there and get inspired.


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Five Resources for the Procrastinating Perfectionist

Nine times out of ten, the reason I procrastinate is perfectionism. Sometimes my perfectionism disguises itself as something else like feeling as if I’m blocked or the problem is too big, but once I dig in a little deeper, I know that my problem lies with my desire to get it perfect on the first try.

I’ve read and watched a lot of content that has helped me overcome this problem so I wanted to share 5 resources for the procrastinating perfectionist.

For the Perfectionist Procrastinator

Overcoming Procrastination by Letting Go of Perfectionism. – Lifehack

Breaking the Perfectionism–Procrastination Infinite Loop. – Web Standards Sherpa (must read)

The Problem With Perfectionism.

The Perfectionist Trap – The School of Life

14 Signs Your Perfectionism is Getting Out of Control. – Huffington Post

This is What Perfectionism Looks Like. – Thought Catalog

Good luck out there J


Being an Atheist is Okay.

I’m an atheist, but I rarely discuss it. For the most part, I don’t think about it. It only comes to mind when religion is brought up. I make a new friend, and she wants to know what church I belong to. I go through something, and an acquaintance suggests that we pray about it.

I don’t mind being asked about my religious beliefs because I’m confident in my beliefs (or lack thereof) and proud of them. But for some reason, being an atheist is still taboo.

I don’t think it should be. Let’s change that. It’s my understanding that there are some things about atheists that bother (some) theists. I want to talk about those things.

Before I proceed, I have to say that I do not represent all atheists. The beauty of being an atheist is its simplicity. Atheism is disbelief or lack of belief in the existence of God or gods.

That’s it. There’s nothing more to it. That’s the only thing that we atheist will most certainly have in common.

With that being said, this is what atheism means to my life.

How do I know right from wrong?

Well, here’s the thing, there is no book that prescribes how an atheist should behave or think. It is up to each atheist to decide how to live his or her life.

To me, right and wrong is largely subjective. The spectrum of right and wrong is vast and depends on the situation.

Is it okay to steal? No… unless you have a two-year-old at home who’s starving.

Is it okay to kill? No… unless it’s in self-defense.

Like everyone, when I decide what’s right and wrong, I have to know all the facts. When the decision is too close to home, I ask someone with an objective view to step in.

Where does morality come from?

To me, morality doesn’t come from religion. Humans need to coexist to survive. Even if you consider yourself a loner, did you make your clothes, hunt your own food, or create the power grid that powers your laptop. NO. The answer is no. Even if you did all of those things, you had an easier go at it because of the knowledge passed down from generations of coexisting.

Since humans had to coexist to survive, we established rules to keep the peace thus justice and morality was born.

Where do I find answers to life’s big questions?

The things people get from religion, I get elsewhere. So if religion gives people:

–   Purpose

–   Direction

–   Peace of mind

–   Spiritual fulfillment

I would meet those needs in another way.

–   When I want purpose, I look within.

–   When I want direction, I map out the most logical course of action then follow it.

–   When I want peace of mind, I remember that I only live once so I need to make the most of this life.

–   When I want spiritual fulfillment, I do something kind for myself or someone else.

Aren’t you worried about hell?

First of all, I’d have to believe in hell for it to worry me. Questions about an afterlife don’t faze me. This is an area that I accept my ignorance. There is no way for me to know what happens when I die. And, if I’m honest, religious notions of heaven and hell scare me. I don’t want to go to either of those places. I’d rather not exist.

 Do you hate God?

I’d have to believe in God to hate Him so no I don’t hate God. I’d like to add that I don’t even hate religion. I’m not always happy with religion, but I contend that most of the religious people I know are kind-hearted. I grew up in a very religious household. I respect everyone’s right to believe or not believe in any god.

Are you lost?

Hmm… interesting question. You know what, I don’t know. Sometimes you don’t know you’re lost until you’ve walked passed the same tree three times. I can’t have all the answers all the time, and that’s okay. However, I don’t feel lost in purpose or apathetic toward life. I approach each new day knowing that uncertainty awaits me. I’ll wade through it until I find a way to the end.

Is atheism so scary?

If you’ve gotten this far, I hope you don’t think it’s so bad to be an atheist. If you think it’s terrible then oh well. Can’t win them all. I’m sure you didn’t like all of my answers. If you’re theist, I assure you, some of your answers would disconcert me as well. It’s okay.

I don’t think that everyone has to look like me, think like me, and act like me for us to get along. That kind of thinking is behind some of the worse atrocities against humanity.

If you’re an atheist (and it’s safe for you to talk about it), please share your beliefs and disbeliefs. It’s not a bad thing.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say on it.

See you next week!

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So, I started reading erotica.

If you haven’t surmised from the title, I’ll say it again; I started reading erotica. Now, you may be wondering why I felt compelled to share that information. Rest assured, I have my reasons. Before I get into that, I want to share some unexpected pleasures from its reading.

Number one, as a genre it’s got me contemplative lately. When I’m not reading it, I see it under harsh and unflattering lighting. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that the criterion for a book to be erotic fiction is sex. Its main selling point is sex. I’m no prude but feel that sex has an undeserved pedestal. Everywhere I look, someone is trying to get my attention by tapping into sex and sexuality. It’s annoying.

However, as I read erotica, I understand that it has the same appeal as any book. Novels have a way of putting you in the shoes of the protagonist. What she feels, you feel. If it’s a story about a rebel overthrowing oppressors and seizing the throne for herself, the reader feels like a revolutionary. In a story where a shy woman explores her fantasies with the man she loves, the reader feels that too.

Erotica has made me contemplate a lot about the world around me because it made me uncomfortable. That’s thrilling by my standards.

 Number two, it’s a feast for your senses. To succeed in this genre, the writer must be excellent at descriptions. Every scene is milked for maximum sensual impact. I can’t help but admire that. Erotic fiction can make anything hot, from fingers slowly brushing across a keyboard to sliding a silk robe over bare shoulders. It’s weird magic.

All (good) books make you feel things – dread, anticipation, and humor. Erotica (the good kind) taps into the most personal of feelz – pleasure. It creates a dull sense of pleasure that’s drug-like. It’s happiness in a book.

Number three, it’s probably good for humanity. If you’ve opened your eyes, you’ve noticed the outcry for gender equality. Female readers dominate this genre. One major fight women face is gaining sexual freedom – a freedom that is easily attainable for some.

Erotica is a good tool for exploring sex and sexual desires in a safe environment. Instead of participating in risky situations, you can explore it in your mind. The more you explore the topic, the more informed your decisions about sex will be. Disclaimer: don’t take that to mean that erotica is all you need to make an informed decision about sex. It’s simply an avenue.

To me, sexual freedom is all about making a decision about sex and not feeling ashamed for it nor shaming others who think differently. It’s about people establishing boundaries about their body and desires. So, if you aspire to hold on to your virginity for dear life because it’s truly what you want, I hope that nothing comes between you and your goal. If you want to have a one-night-stand every week, as long as you find willing partners, go for it.

Number four, it’s a reminder not to take life too seriously. Some erotica is plain silly with no literary value whatsoever. As I read the crazy dialogue, where a forward guy says something that no forward guy would ever say, I laugh. It’s crap, but I don’t want to put down the story about the human who gets abducted by and falls in love with horny aliens.

There’s no shortage of reasons not to take life too seriously. You have to laugh at yourself sometimes. You have to be in the moment sometimes. Let life seduce you and the adventures will never cease.

Number five, it’s great for bonding with friends, lovers, and such. Though my husband makes funny faces when I describe the crazy premise behind a story, it never fails to start a conversation. My female friends who are into erotica also get a kick out of it. It’s fun and it’s healthy. It provides a neutral ground to discuss feelings on something personal.

When stories have situations where desires seem crazy, it provides learning opportunities on our fellow humans. The more I explore the topic, the less crazy it seems to me. You only get one shot to explore this planet, let it be your adventure.

Number six, I want to be a writer so duh. As an aspiring author, I’ve decided to expand my horizons beyond my favorite genre and medium. I want to learn everything I can from everywhere I can. Erotica has taught me so much about writing. Like I said, writers in this field milk every scene for maximum sensual impact. I want to do that in my non-erotic fiction someday.

Why did I want to share this today?

When I sat down to write this week’s blog post, I couldn’t stop thinking about this new guilty pleasure, and I was ashamed of it. I, like many of you, grew up in an environment that used shame to silence. The minute I’d think something a little out the box, I was quickly put back in my place with a dose of shame.

How could you think that? Only people with no home training do that. What will people say? And you call yourself a lady?

I know they didn’t mean any harm. They did it out of what they perceived as my best interest. Hell, I used this tactic on my sister a lot in our teen years. We’re twins. It was hard not to feel like her embarrassment was mine to share.

As I’ve grown up, I’ve learned that no one has control over me. They can offer as many suggestions as they want. If I accept the shame they give me, I have shamed myself.

And, I’m not ‘bout that life, bruh. Naw, dude. Uh-un.

I gotz to do me.

After having a long internal duel, with wings-and-halo-me and horns-and-pitchfork-me, I decided to slaughter them both and be myself. I don’t see anything wrong with flights of the imagination. I certainly don’t see anything wrong with sharing it.

What about you? Do you have any guilty pleasures to share? Let me know in the comments.

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Dear Sweetling, Stop Being a Martyr

You’ve changed cities, boyfriends, and friends but for some reason, you’re always surrounded by people who take advantage of your kindness.

Dear Sweetling, the problem is you.

I hate to say it. Maybe to you, it would be nice to live in a world where people read your thoughts and jump at the opportunity to please you, but that’ll never happen. And I don’t think it ever should.

Seriously do you want people reading your mind? Yikes.

Maybe you don’t want people reading your mind. Maybe you think that people “should” be more considerate and do for you what you’ve done for them. I get that. I happen to agree. But I also think that everyone should give me a dollar. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt their pockets, and it would make me rich.

You see where I’m going. The world owes you NOTHING! You won’t get anywhere in life if you don’t learn this lesson soon.

Your first reaction may be to call me a pessimist. I’m not, I swear. I believe the best in humanity and think that most people are motivated to do what’s right. However, I also believe that I am the designer of my fate. If I want something, I will have to, at the very least, ask for it. It won’t fall into my lap because I think it should. If that’s not optimistic, I don’t know what is.

What’s more empowering than taking control of your life.

I know you’re not a bad person. You may just have a bug going around called Martyr Complex. With this complex you always find yourself suffering for the sake of others.

You’re motivated by good. I bet you always put more of the load on yourself so that others can have an easier go at it. You just want people to act right!

The problem with being a martyr goes beyond the phantom world on your shoulders. When you’re in the room, nothing gets solved. Simple things that call for a voice of reason are beyond your skills because your complex wants you to stay a martyr for all of eternity.

When people talk to you, it feels like there’s no way to make you happy. It’s as if you go into fights wanting to prove that you are the most hurt. Well… that’s cool, but it doesn’t solve anything. In case you’re wondering whether you have Martyr Complex…

Signs of Martyr Complex

  1. You don’t accept solutions to problems. You prefer to complain and complain about a problem as if there couldn’t be a solution to why you’re always taking out the trash. When your friend suggests that you talk to your roommate, you get defensive and say that it’ll never work.
  1. You use the word “should” a lot. He should’ve known that you wanted the window seat. Really. Should he have?
  1. You have low self-esteem. In general, your happiness depends on others because you’re not good enough to provide it for yourself. You’ve lost faith in your abilities and believe that others have some special ingredient you don’t.
  1. You can’t say “no.” When someone asks you for something, you neglect yourself to get it done.
  1. You feel as if you’re the only one who can do it right. You could leave the work to others but worry they can’t get that spit shine the way you do.

Now, don’t worry. Come on over here. Let me rub your hair as you cry on my shoulder. No. Stop that. It is sad that you’re a martyr, but it does not have to be permanent. There is a solution.

How to stop being a martyr.

Know what you want. And, let’s be clear, you don’t want people to change, you want a specific behavior to change. If you approach problems thinking you’re going to change a person, you won’t get anywhere. For example, you’re sick of always taking out the trash. The thing you’d want is for your roomie/partner to share the load equally. You’re not trying to make that person more considerate or less lazy because that’s subjective and condescending. You want one specific change in behavior.

Don’t hold people hostage to your gifts/favors. When you do someone a favor, do you expect something in return? You always leave the last bagel for your roommate, so now you expect them to leave you the last of the milk? It may seem as if you’re asking for things to be fair but in reality, you aren’t. They didn’t ask you for the last bagel; why should they be hostage to a favor they didn’t ask for? If you give something away, consider it gone.

Accept your role in the problem. If you have Martyr Complex, you may have heard that you have an excuse for everything and that people aren’t allowed to be upset with you. You spill hot coffee on people but insist they can’t be upset because they should understand your heart or whatever. If you make a mistake, own up to it. No big deal. Just as you deserve sympathy, so does everyone else.

Don’t expect people to read your mind. If something is bothering you, say something. Imagine if every day you went to work, your friend had a cup of coffee waiting on your desk. The problem is, you hate coffee. Instead of saying something, you sneak off to the bathroom and toss it. When your friend sees the empty cup, they interpret it as proof of your love for coffee and the problem continues. I bet this problem would be solved if you just said something.

Learn how to communicate. There’s this amazing book called Crucial Conversations that should be mandatory reading. It’s all about handling those tough conversations. Some of the best advice in the book is to remember why you started the conversation. You want to solve the problem. It’s not about winning or losing. This means that the solution may not come from you. Read this amazing book to learn more.

Set boundaries. I think that everyone could benefit from making personal policies. For me, I go to bed by 9pm, I’m not available to chitchat during the workday and so on. People tend to respect personal policies because they have their own. I even respect people more for having them. Make it known what you will and won’t accept. You’ll be a lot happier for it.

Say no. If you’re someone who often puts yourself on the backburner, you need this advice more than ever. You need to say no to make up for lost time. To make this easier, pick two hours in the day to take care of yourself. Just be a total lush. If someone asks you to do something during your scheduled “me-time,” say no. If someone else can do it, if the world won’t come to a screeching halt, say no. Do this for two weeks. You’ll be rejuvenated. Trust me. You’ll wonder at how you didn’t do this sooner.

No one can force you to do anything. You may do so much for others because you think you don’t have a choice. You always have a choice. If you go against your better judgment and cave to someone’s wishes, you only have yourself to blame. You are doing the damage to yourself. There are relentless people out there. I’m a huge advocate of walking away from them. I also find it effective to say these words:

I’ve told you that I don’t want to do it. Begging me won’t make me want to – nothing will. I don’t want to do it.

That normally gets the job done. I’ll admit it’s a little jarring, but it’s meant to be. The problem with relentless people is that they think you just need to be convinced. It’s like they’re under a spell. They want what they want so badly that they’re blind to how you feel. You just need to snap them out of it.

If you worried about hurting their feelings, don’t. Tell me what’s offensive about that statement. Nothing. It’s all in the way you say it. You can’t laugh it off because you need to break the spell. You also don’t need to shout or get in a tizzy. Just say it in a calm and firm voice.

You cannot force people to change. If you have Martyr complex, you tend to use guilt as your weapon for change. Not cool. Come on, tell the truth: people can’t change enough for you. When will it be enough? When will they be perfect?

Everyone has his or her own life to live. Is it your place to interfere with things that don’t concern you? Of course, you have a right to an opinion, but that’s all you get. State your piece, lobby for what you want, and move on if it’s falling on deaf ears. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to make your friends into mirror images of you.

Some situations are harder than others. Maybe you know someone who’s going down the wrong path. Don’t enable them but don’t make their life your life’s mission. Eventually, they will come to their senses.

I hope this helps. If you’ve overcome your Martyr Complex and wanted to share your story, please do. Or, if you have some advice that I missed, don’t hesitate to share it.

And, as always, if you like what you read, like the Curious Queendom Facebook page.

My Morning Ritual (so far)

My ideal day looks like something out of a fairytale. I’d wake up and begin my day of creative work.   Ideas would flow like a stream that leads to an ocean. By the end of the day, I’d look at what I created and shake my head wondering, what spirit possessed me to create such loveliness.

This never happens.

My day may start off like water rushing down a stream but usually ends with praying for rain or peering into a well hoping to find just a drop of energy to keep me going.

In my quest to build an empire, I’ve learned not to depend on inspiration alone but long for it all the same. Wouldn’t it be great to carry high energy for an entire work day?

An answer to this question came through a trend I’ve noticed over last few months: building rituals. As soon as I understood the premise behind it, I wanted in.

It makes sense. Doing the same actions over and over renders the same results. So, if you find what makes you feel energized and do those things every day, you’ll have an energy source you can count on day in and out.

I also liked this idea because I’m fascinated by the potential of productivity in the early hours of the day. It’s a time when thoughts flow without the obstructions of the day’s worries. I find that I’m not thinking about the past or too far into the future; my thoughts are focused on what’s important.

If there were a way to prolong this feeling of mental clarity throughout the day, I wanted to find it. Building a ritual seemed like a good way to go about it.

So I walked up the steep hills of Mt. Get-it-done, studied under the guidance of Guru Nowish, and now consider myself qualified enough to report my findings. I’m no expert. I have many things I want to improve on but sharing it with you is a part of making progress.

Start the day for you.

This means you’re not getting up 5 minutes before you need to leave for work. You should get up with enough time to attend to your needs. It may sound like a pain to give up sleep but who better to lose sleep over than yourself? Every minute you give to yourself is time well spent.

The weird thing about this is that it gives you something to hold on to throughout the day. Doing good for you never feels bad. You never regret it. It’s a positive way to begin the day. Positivity begets positivity.

Meditate on what’s at stake

I used to meditate formally, but now I settle for sitting and thinking. I think about what I want to accomplish, how it helps me achieve my life’s goal, and how five years from now could look if I work diligently. I also think about how the future would look if I didn’t work toward creating the life I wanted. It’s never a pretty picture.

This pumps me up. I feel motivated to make my dream a reality when I consider the cost of laziness. It reminds me that I love what I do and would prefer working toward my dreams to watching Youtube videos.

Some people say mantras to get them in the right mindset. I love this idea too. No matter what you decide don’t allow the words to lose meaning. Your path is at stake here.


Exercise is a fundamental part of life. It just is. However, I don’t think that this is a must for your morning routine. I know people that are perfectly happy working out at 6 pm. I am not one of those people. I’d caution you not to skip this advice because you’re “not a morning person.”

For me, working out in the morning energizes me. If you’re just starting out, you may feel the opposite. Maybe that’s because you’re not accustomed to working out yet, which means you’ll feel tired regardless of the time of day you workout. Because of how good it makes me feel, please try it in the morning for a while before you discard it. If this doesn’t work for you, exercise later.

I’ll admit, since leaving the Army, my workouts have gotten pretty tame. Walking my pup is good enough for me. I walk at a fast pace to both get something out of the workout and to do right by my dog. (It irks me that people get pets only to chain them up all day.) The cool thing about working out with my pup is that it has built-in motivation. When he looks at me with the “is it time for a walk” look, it motivates me to do it.

Cold shower and other hygieney things.

Wait. I don’t actually take cold showers. I take the hottest showers in history then rinse off in cold water. I just couldn’t give up the pleasure of a hot shower. It’s too amazing. I will say that the cold rinse no longer feels obligatory. It gives me a shot of energy that makes the biggest difference. After the initial shock, it feels nice.

Since I’ve given myself enough time to attend to my needs, I don’t feel pressured to rush through it. I get to enjoy it. I get to massage the soaps and potions into my skin.

For me, this is where the magic happens. I feel utterly rejuvenated after I’m done. A little self-care goes a long way.


Food is fuel that’s all I have to say here. Most of us know how a balanced plate looks so I won’t bore you with that. What we fail to do is follow through with what we know.

Honestly, I’m still working on this. It’s not that I don’t have the time to make it a balanced meal. I need some discipline. When I get there, I will let you know how it makes me feel.

Cup of tea and begin working.

A lot of articles recommend a caffeine-less ritual. I am a lover of moderation. I’ve never been into coffee, but a cup of green tea makes me feel divine. Also, some sources say that green tea is good for you.

This ritual does the trick to pump me up. In time, I’ll know if I need to make adjustments.

I hope this has convinced you to give developing a ritual a chance. If you already have one let us know how it’s going. If you’re steadfast against them, that’s cool too. Let us know why.

And, as always, if you loved (or hated) what you read, like the Curious Queendom Facebook page.




This Year We’re Keeping Our New Year’s Resolutions.

It’s that time of year again – time to make New Year’s Resolutions. Which means, no doubt, some of you have read (or created) anti-NYR statuses on Facebook.

*whiney voice* There’s nothing special about January 1st. You can make new goals whenever you want. Wah wah wah.

Okay, I understand this logic. But if it doesn’t matter when I decide to make a change, why are you so against me doing it on the first of the year? HA! Let that sit with you for a while. Slayed ‘em. Okay… sorry about that.

I’m just a little touchy about New Years Resolutions. I guess it’s because I’ve never managed to keep a single one. Nope. Never. I suck at them. Every year, right around this time, I reflect on what I’ve accomplished and make new goals. By February, I’ve completely neglected them.

Last year, I made a series of over-the-top reading goals that I never accomplished. I even said that I would write book reviews. Have you ever seen a book review on this blog? No, you haven’t.

But guys, this year is going to be different. It has to be. Don’t look at me like that. I mean it.

See, for me, shit just got real. I MUST become a fiction writer and soon. If I don’t work toward this goal, I will never be one. THIS IS FACT. Especially considering my life and where it’s likely to go from here – kids, dogs, house. It’s weird, I know. The closer I get to that life, the harder it will be to burst into the industry. It won’t be impossible, but things are simpler right now. I should take advantage of it.

I don’t know where your life is at this moment, but I imagine that it won’t get any easier. Even if you think it will get easier, pretend for a second that it won’t. If you don’t work toward your goal, you will never achieve it. FACT.

So before you (and I) start writing goals this year, there’re some things to think about.

What is your life goal?

I know that’s not exactly a small question. For me, it’s clear: I want to be a published fiction author. If you don’t know your life’s goal, don’t worry. I got ya covered. No matter the goal, there’s something you’ll need to do: become your best self. If you strive for this, you’ll discover your goal – it’s inevitable.

So, if we’re all on the same page, I’ll continue. If you start writing your goals for the year with your life’s goal in mind, you’ll know why it’s so important to do the damn thing. Also, it saves you the pain of doing things that don’t make sense in the grand scheme of things.

Wait. Don’t move ahead of the teacher. You’ve only just written down your life’s goal. Don’t start with the resolutions just yet. Please, humor me for a bit.

Consider the avenues of approach.

With most goals, there isn’t simply one thing you need to do to achieve it. It’s a battle. If you only worry about what’s in front of you, you’ll get flanked and defeated. For instance, to be a published author, I have to think about social media, reading books, building my writing skills, and so on. It’s unlikely that I’ll ever be a writer if I’m not doing all of these simultaneously.

The same goes for losing weight. You have to change your eating habits, exercise, limit temptations, and so on. You won’t be able to keep the weight off for good if you’re not doing all of these things simultaneously.

You see where I’m going with this.

Your resolution will more than likely consist of the avenues of approach. Scary, right?

This is where I get screwed. With all of these things to think about how the hell am I ever going to accomplish my goal?

Be reasonable. Prioritize tasks.

There are only 24 hours in the day, and you’ll likely be productive for five of them.

You may have ten things you need to do, but I’m guessing that some tasks have higher priority than others. And, getting to the other things on your list probably depends on cementing a few habits first. For instance, I’m not at the level where I could write a novel and get it published. I have to develop skills and build a writing habit first. If I spend this time focusing on all of the other aspects of being a writer, I’m dooming myself.

This is why you’re going to limit yourself to no more than three avenues of approach toward your life’s goal. These things are at the top of your list of resolutions. They are the only goals that you are absolutely required to do. Everything else on your list is a bonus resolution that you can give yourself a pat on the back just for writing down.

WAIT, there’s more.

You can’t just say that you’re going to do these three things. You gotta get realer than that. Resolutions don’t get done that way.

What is your minimum?

Is this still fun for you? I don’t know. This is right around the time I start to lose interest but hold on. We’re going to beat our resolutions this year. We can do this.

You’ve picked the top three things to focus on this year. For me, I’m going to:

  1. Write one short story/ month
  2. Read some books/month
  3. Build my social media presence.

Chances are your New Years Resolutions aren’t the only things that demand your attention. You still have work, kids, and the like. Most people write goals as if it never rains, the car never breaks down, and they have a superhuman ability that fends off all diseases, bouts of sadness, and creative block.

That, my dear, is planning to fail.

In my ideal world, I’d write a 10,000-word story per month; read three books per month, and post on every social media platform five times a day (including this blog).

Wow, that is never going to happen. Let’s be real.

If I have a month that totally goes to shit, I think I could still manage to write a 600-word story, read one book, and post on Facebook and Twitter once per day/5 days a week (especially if reposting something from Facebook to Twitter counts).

Now it’s your turn. If the worst-case scenario happened, what do you think you’ll still manage to accomplish over the course of a month.

Now that you know the minimum you’re willing to accept of yourself, there’s just one more thing to do.

Create a schedule.

Imagine how your day would look if it included your three goals. Does it fit? Do you need to adjust and aim for weekly accomplishment of your goal as opposed to daily? I know that for me, I do not have the patience to sit down every day and make a post for social media. I prefer to sit down one day, create five posts for Facebook, five posts for Twitter, and a blog post and then schedule them to publish on the appropriate day.

If you find that your goal doesn’t work in your schedule, you may have to make the decision to save that goal for later or make it a get-to-it-when-you-can goal.

I know I said there was one more thing but this is the last thing.

Plan to make adjustments

When you’ve gotten some things under your belt, and you feel secure in your schedule, you can add things. I bet you don’t have to tell yourself to brush your teeth every day. That’s because (hopefully) you’ve already developed that habit. It doesn’t require any willpower to accomplish that daily goal.

I hope that writing a short story a month becomes so natural to me that I can build toward creating a novel. Writing novels is what I want to do. If one day I decide that I’m ready to move forward, I’ll do just that.

Don’t think that you’re stuck with what you wrote down. You’re not making goals to have something to check off. You’ve created goals because you want to achieve your life’s purpose.

In the spirit of sticking to my goals, I’ve posted mine below.

New Year's Resolutions

  • Read 1 book/ month
  • Write 1 short story/month
  • Post 5 posts on Facebook Page and Twitter/week
  • Create 1 Blog post/ week
Bucket List plugin by Cleio&Co

*Note I consider blogging as a part of my social media goals.

What are your New Year’s Resolutions? If you’re written about it on your blog, post a link to it in the comments.

Good luck out there!

If you loved what you read, please like the Curious Queendom Facebook page. Thank you for your support.


Be an Amateur

Three weeks ago, I started working on a short story that I plan on sending to a long list of science fiction/fantasy magazines, but when I sat down to write my story, all of my sentences just read amateurish. It was strange. I don’t consider myself to be on par with my favorite (or least favorite) authors; I just didn’t expect it to be THAT bad. With each word I typed, I felt a sense of dread – would I ever get better? Will I ever become a published author?

Each day, I turned on my computer, looked at what I’d already written, got angry with myself, and then watched Youtube. With each passing day, I stopped making excuses for myself and just settled into my new routine of self-sabotage and time wasting.

As a connoisseur of inspirational quotes and productivity literature, I knew what I should do. I wasn’t allowing myself to be amateur – which I am, as I’ve never sold a story in my life.

I looked at my story and compared it to Robin Hobb, George R.R. Martin, and Brandon Sanderson (my faves) when I should’ve been focused on learning the craft.

Why You Should Be An Amateur.

When you stop focusing on being an expert and learn to be an amateur you begin to…

Focus on developing the right lifestyle. To become whatever it is you want to become, you’ll probably have to change something about the way you live – like getting up earlier, eating healthier, getting better sleep. These things may not directly impact your craft, but they’re still integral to success.

Focus on quantity. Perfectionism has a way of slowing ya down. You won’t finish this first project because you need it to be perfect. Imagine if the Technology industry worked this way. Apple would’ve never put out an iPhone because of the updates it would inevitably need. When you focus on finishing projects, you learn skills you could never learn by working on one project for an infinite amount of time.

Test your skills and level up. As an amateur, you’ll walk up the steps, build your muscle, fall a bit, and then move forward. You can’t become an expert without being an amateur so you may as well stop wasting your time and be the amateur you were meant to be.

How to be an amateur.

Consume and analyze the work of others in your field. Reading the work of other authors has really taken away some of the mystery behind story development. This might sound like a bad thing but the longer you look at something, the easier it is to see the gears and strings working in the background. You start to see the similarities in people’s work, which makes you appreciate their differences all the more. You’ll learn the format so that you can put your personal spin on it and make it something special.

Get started. Do the thing you dream of doing, regularly. Learning about the craft is important but doing the work is where it all counts. Just get started. Don’t worry about how good it looks or how bad it looks just do the work. Use what you learned. Make the mistakes you need to make.

Finish. Finish what you start! Finish what you start! You may be tempted to toss your terrible paint by numbers puppy before you’ve completed the corner but don’t. Finish your project no matter how terrible it looks. One day, you will want to produce a finished piece; get in the habit of finishing things now. If you don’t finish it, you’re also cheating yourself out of learning opportunities. The last corner may require you to mix things up or may help reinforce skills you already learned. One day, you’ll want to go back and look at your fugly painting so don’t toss it.

Get feedback. So your first project was terrible, and you know it so why get feedback? You are limited by your perception. Someone else may help you put your problem into words. Once you have your problems identified, you can fix them, which leaves you room to make new mistakes. Also, you need to desensitize yourself to constructive criticism. If you only hand your work off to others when you’re sure it’ll get praised, you aren’t producing enough, amateur.

Move on to your next project. You maybe tempted to stay on this old project until it’s perfect (indefinitely) but you’re not helping yourself if you do. In any field, you won’t be making the same thing over and over again; you’ll have to be able to generate new ideas and move forward. Your new idea may build off of old ones, but it’ll still be new. Don’t forget: you are an amateur right now. You are still learning. Perfectionism is the enemy. MOVE ON!

The thought of being an amateur is scary. We’ve all have criticized someone’s hard work as being amateurish at one point or another. You know, like those films that look like poor replicates of a poor replication. The thing about being an amateur that gives me comfort is that it means that I am a devotee of my craft. I am paying my dues. I am going through the growing pains.

The best thing about being an amateur is that it is the best and only preparation for being an expert. You’ll learn something new with each project. It’s inevitable and keeps the passion burning. I hope you’ve picked your project because you love doing it. If so, you will love all the practice you’ll get to have.

Good luck out there.

If you loved what you read, please like Curious Queendom on Facebook

I’m Back

So it’s been a while and boy have things changed since my last post. I wanted to do this cool thing where I told you about the changes before they happened but spilled milk, right?

Anyway, my life has changed a lot. These changes clicked this weird switch I have. It’s kind of a coping mechanism, I think. When things change drastically, I go into hermit mode.
For starters, I moved to Korea – South Korea, obviously. Not because of the Donald, but the timing is pretty impeccable. I moved to Korea because my husband is stationed here. I thought that once I was settled into my new apartment, I would be able to come out of my shell and write a post but then we got a puppy.

I’m not a dog, cat, or pet-person. It’s due to my all-or-nothing disposition. If I’m to have a dog, it will be trained goddammit. So, as you might imagine, I’ve been pulling my hair out to train the puppy to do the basic commands: sit, stay, stop, down, down, get the fuck off my couch.

The puppy, Colt – a husky, has made me realize more reasons people shouldn’t have pets. But, more importantly, I’m happy to have him in the family. After my frustration had waned, I came to terms with the fact that there are things out of my control and that I didn’t get a puppy to become a drill sergeant. I got him because my husband had been begging me for months…. And maybe because the pet store looked like shit and the puppy was sitting in his own filth… And… because… maybe I’ve always wanted to give love to a furry friend.

Anyway, after having the puppy for a while, I thought I’d write a post but then Election Day happened. The US was on fire for few weeks there. If you know me on a personal level, it’s clear that I’m liberal. I’m super liberal, super progressive. So, no, I’m not a fan of the Donald. Nope. Not at all. The Election increased my time in my hidey-hole. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what could be said. All I knew was, WOW. The word, ‘wow.’

Now that I’ve come to terms with the reality of my new life, I’m back. I’m sorry I left for so long. I hope you can forgive me. I needed the break. I really did.

At first, I felt guilty for taking the break. It’s not like I have a large following on this blog. I started this blog as a promise to myself. So when I took that long break, I felt like I was letting myself down which can make a person go down a weird path of self-hate. I feel bad for breaking a promise to myself then I beat myself up for feeling bad then I feel worse because I beating myself up… It’s infinite in self-destructive power.

When I noticed the pattern, I decided to allow myself to take a break. The break opened my eyes to something: I had a lot going on. Moving within in the same State is hard, imagine moving to another country. I just wasn’t giving myself enough credit.

So, I said all that to say, I’m back. I will continue my regularly scheduled post from hence forward. Thank you for sticking around. See you next week.

Located on the closest planet to the sun


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